“You wrote a good and interesting essay. It is clear that you carried a great research work and that you read a lot in order to delve into the subject, which is very good.
However, the structure is a little bit confusing at times. Maybe it is better to keep it simple with 3 – 4 sections instead of 15.
Also, some parts are very long – It is important to be concise, it shows you understand and recognise the critical issues.”